Parenting & New Baby Advice Blog

At first sight, your newborn may not be quite what you had expected. For the first half minute or so, his skin might be bluish grey, and he may appear lifeless. That may be a shock if you are not expecting it, but this is the color of all babies in the uterus. As your baby begins breathing and more oxygen enters his body, his color will turn pinker or ruddier-first the head and body, then the arms and legs, and last the feet and hands.

Your baby will be soaking wet, streaked with blood, and smeared with vernix, a white sticky substance.. Some babies have a great deal of vernix all over their bodies, and some have only small amounts, only in the creases and folds. Vernix is almost like a hand cream, in that it protects the baby’s skin while he is floating in amniotic fluid.

His face may be swollen and he might have long fingernails. You may also be surprised by the size of your baby’s genitals. The size and color subside in a few days, when their genitals take on a more normal appearance.

Immediate Care

Even though most babies do not really need it, care-givers routinely suction babies noses and mouths very soon after birth to remove excess amniotic fluid and mucous. In fact, sometimes they begin suctioning when only the baby’s head is out. It is done with a rubber bulb syringe or with a little jar and tube called a mucous trap. The mucous trap is used if the baby’s airway seems to be very congested or if the baby was under stress during labor and breathing problems are anticipated at the time of birth.

Your baby’s umbilical cord will be clamped in two places close to his abdomen. Then the cord will be cut between the two clamps. Sometimes the father cuts the cord. Otherwise, the doctor does it. Even though there is a spurt of blood when the cord is cut, neither you or your baby will feel it at all, sense there are no nerves in the umbilical cord. Then your baby will be either be placed on your abdomen or taken to a special warm bed in the corner of the room for examination and other care. If he is placed on your abdomen, you will feel the warm, wet baby on your now soft belly. Many women find this a very pleasant sensation.

Your baby is dried off by rubbing briskly with soft towels to keep him from getting a chill [a major concern of your doctor]. Your baby will be wrapped in a warm blanket or two, and his head will be covered. In fact, it is a very good idea to have a warm little hat to place on the baby’s head as soon as possible after the birth because the baby’s head is such a large part of his body that a lot of heat can be lost through it.

I wonder if there is anyone out there who doesn’t dread shopping with children. Who doesn’t look with pity on any fellow mom dejectedly admitting to an afternoon of errands ahead-with toddlers in tow? Even mentioning a grocery store run brings on a shudder and heartfelt condolences. There have been times when I myself borrowed milk from a neighbor rather than face those aisles with my precious little darlings pattering along behind.

Sometimes, it gets so bad, that I think the children have ruined shopping. My mother would suggest an afternoon at the mall, and I’d look at her as if she were some pod grandma from an alien torture mill. No, I most decidedly do not want to go to the mall, Mother, and watch my kids transform into bounding balls of greed, little proto mega consumers that want everything they see. I’m not ‘Mom’ at the mall; I’m ‘Mom mom mom can I have?’.

Now, I understand that commerce is the American way, and ordinarily I do my part for the economy, don’t get me wrong. I like malls as much as any other citizen and enjoy trolling for stuff I want but don’t need. It used to be fun. I even used to like the grocery store-especially when I could score some tasty samples. Oh, and the warehouse super store with the giant everything? I could spend hours, not to mention dollars, there-back in the day.

So what’s a mother to do? I don’t have a clue.

I’m waiting for some age and/or maturity to kick in as my first strategy. Some day my son won’t expect to find baseball cards or lacrosse sticks in the women’s lingerie store, and my daughter won’t want every single stuffed or plastic animal she spies. I don’t hold out much hope that we’ll all agree on a shopping destination anytime soon, but I can foresee the day we’ll manage it better. Groceries, at least, will be attainable, and the neighbors won’t have to lock their refrigerators when they see me coming up their walk.

Another point in favor of just waiting it out: eventually the kids don’t have to go with me. There will come a day when my son whines, “I don’t wanna go!” (but probably in a deeper voice), and I’ll be able to say, “Fine, don’t,” and it will all be legal. My daughter will balk at the thought of the hardware store, and I will be able to leave her home. It will all be fun again, I hope.  In the meantime, of course, there’s the internet. I do online shopping for everything: groceries, clothes, toys, pet meds, and miscellaneous-which everyone knows in a typical American household is the largest category. All I have to do is fire up the hard drive and take off, and it’s a win/win all the way: No kids in tow, no gas guzzled, no globe warmed. And the best part is, I don’t even have to shower! I may miss the leisurely walk and talk through the mall with my mom, but I can make up for it surfing the net, where there are no aisles, no walls, and no worries. 

When I moved into my first apartment I remember feeling so overwhelmed because I was running out to the store to get important things for my new living space at least once a day. All the little things that your parents had that you took for granted like shower curtain liners, pots and pans, toasters, spatulas, whisks, condiments, clothes hamper, etc. I always needed one little thing to finish what I was doing and it was hard. I can only imagine what it will be like trying to buy what I need for a new baby and avoid running to the store for a small but important forgotten item.

I have often thought that while apartment shopping it would have been nice to have a checklist of things needed. It also would have been nice to know what I wouldn’t need as well. I found myself buying things I thought I needed but didn’t, like that orange juicer that I have never used. I am sure that even with preparation, having a baby will sweep me away into the never-ending ocean of “especially for baby” but necessary items. But even still, forward thinking, I have done a little research and prepared a list of things that every expecting Mother needs and a few that you could probably go without when deciding what to buy for your new baby.

So what CAN you live without?

• Baby bathtub - People seem to have trouble with these, either because they are hard to use, hard to store or the baby doesn’t like them. It seems just as easy to take the baby into the bath with you.
• Car bottle warmer - A good idea, but they don’t tend to warm up quickly enough on quick trips.
• Cradles/Bassinets/Cribs - It could be that the trend toward the family bed is giving people an alternative to cradles and bassinets, but many mothers said they took up too much space and babies were rarely, if ever, happy in them.
• Pillows are NOT RECOMMENDED, babies do not need them, and furthermore pillows are associated with crib death.
• Diaper Genie - most people find these frustrating to operate.
• Changing table - They take up a lot of space and don’t allow for the most versatile storage. Many parents find it just as easy to convert a bureau to a changing table or just change the baby on the floor.

So what CAN’T you live without?

• Car seats - are not items to skimp on. Unless you know the previous owner very well, car seats are not good items to get second-hand. Manufacturers advise that any car seat that has been in any kind of accident, no matter how minor, must be replaced. Car seats are carefully constructed to protect their precious cargo, and any compromise to the structure could limit its effectiveness.
• Stroller - Many infants do well in a sling, but if you’re talking about long walks or shopping, a stroller helps manage all your bundles.
• Carrier/Sling - Keeps baby close while keeping hands free.
• Floor gym/Playpen - Because sometimes you need to go to the bathroom.
• Onsies for summer babies and Jammies for winter babies - It is wise to resist the urge to buy “outfits” at this stage of the game. Babies spit up, drool, and wet themselves a lot so the best thing to have on hand is lots of onsies for summer babies and jammies for winter babies. Newborn infants must have their heads covered outside in all but the warmest summer months (when they should stay out of the sun, entirely) so be sure to have plenty of cozy stretchy hats on hand, too.
• Diapers, Medicine and General Care Items:
• Several packages of diapers in newborn and infant sizes.
• Several giant packages of wipes.
• A stash of small wash clothes - and a plastic dish for water for sponge baths on the changing table.
• Diaper rash creams.
• Infant ibuprofen and acetaminophen - (Tylenol and Motrin)
• Anti-gas drops.
• Nasal aspirator - (babies can’t blow their noses so the aspirator may be necessary to help clear congested nasal passages. There are different kinds out there and the hospital will give you one. They all work differently, so it’s nice to have the variety to experiment with.)
• Rubbing alcohol and cotton balls - to clean the belly button stump (and to help sterilize clippers, tweezers and nasal aspirators.)
• A grooming kit - with soft hair brush, comb, tweezers and infant nail clippers.
• A rectal thermometer - Fancy pacifier thermometers and under-arm patches, in-the-ear thermometers and forehead strips don’t do the job. The most reliable way to take a temperature is rectally. Have your health practitioner show you how to do this on your baby so you are confident that you can take his or her temperature in the middle of the night, if the need arises.
• Hand soap and anti-bacterial wash - (if you prefer it) for the bathroom for folks to wash their hands before touching the newborn. Hand wash in the diaper bag for the road.

Ask your friends what tools they couldn’t do without and plan the amount of space you have to devote to your baby’s gear. For gear the baby might reject, like swings, borrow one before buying one. Collecting hand-me-downs from relatives or friends is a great help. Another source is a baby shower. You will receive gifts from friends and relatives for you’re soon to be newborn. After all this is collected, you can sit down and take stock of what you have and don’t have. Make a complete listing of what you need before you go out and shop, otherwise you may go over budget and get things that you really don’t need. If you do forget something its ok it is good to buy what you need when you need it. It’s easier and cheaper than buying everything and then disposing of things that don’t work. The number one thing your baby will need is your love and attention; if it has that everything else is just a detail. 

The first moments after the birth of your baby are wonderful for bonding with your newborn. Newborn infants are very alert during this first hour and are instinctively looking for food. Studies have been done where an infant is placed on Mother’s stomach immediately after birth. They then make their own way to the breast for their first meal.

Although much of the bonding process is instinctive and will happen naturally, it does not always happen immediately. When I was pregnant with my first child, I never felt that close bond I had heard about while I was carrying my daughter. It wasn’t until after she was born, and I got to hold her and kiss her that the bond began to form.

One thing is for sure, once the bond is there, it is impossible to break. The tie between mother and child is perhaps the strongest in existence between two people. So when it is time to separate from your child it can be extremely difficult for both of you.

Probably the first instance of necessary separation of mother and baby occurs when baby is ready to sleep alone. Giving the baby a bottle or pacifier can cause problems with tooth decay - not to mention the issue of milk leaking into the crib or spoiling during the night. If your baby has been used to sleeping next to you, then your smell is a significant factor in their comfort level. Consider using a bonding doll or toy instead of a bottle or pacifier for baby’s first night alone.

Ookie® Dolls make a wonderful bonding toy. Babies love the soft touch of the cotton flannel body and silky satin trim. The knotted hands are easy for baby to grip. Moms like them because they are lightweight and machine washable.

Cuddle the doll between you and your baby for a few nights before making the transition to the crib. This will give the doll the same scent as you and will cause the baby to associate the doll with comfort.

I used a plush bunny as a bonding toy for my youngest daughter. I started placing the bunny in her crib with her from the very first day. She is now almost 2 years old, and still adores her bunny. The most difficult part is getting it away from her to throw into the washing machine once in awhile!

There will be many more times in life when you will have to separate from your children. I also have a daughter that will be graduating from High School in a few months and moving out on her own. I don’t think this event will be any easier then it was when I placed her in her crib to sleep by herself for the first time when she was a few months old.

It’s often helpful to know your child’s temperature. It is sometimes an indicator of the seriousness if the illness, although this isn’t always true. A normal oral temperature is 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit. A rectal temperature is one degree higher; an auxiliary [armpit] is one degree lower. “Normal” means average-some people run a slightly higher or lower temperature, and that is “normal” for them. Temperature varies throughout the day; a person’s temperature is usually a little higher in the afternoon and evening.

The most accurate way to take the temperature of a young child is rectally. Any thermometer will do, although one designed for rectal use is shaped a little differently so it will go in more easily. If your child can’t keep a thermometer under her tongue and can’t keep her mouth closed for three minutes, it’s more accurate to use a rectal thermometer.

When you are taking your child’s temperature with a rectal thermometer, it’s easiest if you lay your child on her stomach. Shake down the thermometer to 96 degrees or lower and lubricate it with some petroleum jelly. After separating her buttocks with the thumb and first finger of one hand, gently insert the thermometer to a depth of about one inch. Then pinch closed her buttocks. Hold the thermometer in place for three minutes to be sure you get an accurate reading.

Taking the oral temperature of a young child may be difficult. After shaking down the thermometer, put it under her tongue. She should close her mouth around the thermometer and keep her mouth shut for three minutes. Be sure she hasn’t drunk anything cold within fifteen to thirty minutes before you take her temperature [if she has, the reading will be artificially low].

Auxiliary temperatures are not very accurate. The same applies to the strips that are held against a child’s forehead.

The new electronic thermometers are accurate and much easier to use than the older, glass ones. They are quicker and easier to read, and they signal you when they have reached their final reading.

After nine months of anticipation, the two of you may feel that you have had ample time to consider the consequences of your pregnancy, perhaps even time enough to read about babies or attend a parenting class. But unless you have actually had hands-on experience with a newborn, your baby’s appearance may surprise you.  Since many movies and television programs cast an older baby for the part of a newborn in tender scenes with parents after the delivery, it is no wonder that many first-time parents expect to give birth to a sturdy, smiling three month old baby.If you feel amazed upon first seeing your newborn, think of the astonishment he must feel.  Although all his senses had been intact since the twenty-eighth week of gestation, his perceptions were muted while he was in the confines of the uterus.  He was able to hear sounds, such as your muffled voices and his mother’s heartbeat.  Occasionally he could see soft light filtering into his world.  He felt his mother’s movements and the gentle pressure of your hands as you caressed the outlines of his body.Throughout the pregnancy the uterus went through many changes.  As the fetus grew larger, his movements became restricted as the ability of the uterus to stretch reached its limits.  With the onset of labor, increasingly stronger contractions began pushing him outward.  His head squeezed through the bony pelvic outlet or was pulled by string hands through a cesarean incision.  His soft body followed.  Suddenly, his delicate skin was no longer cushioned by warm fluid.  The air felt relatively cooler.  Unfamiliar hands and fabrics rubbed against him.  Brighter lights and louder voices bombarded his senses.  Once separated from you, he had to take over all the life sustaining functions you had controlled for him.  He was forced to take his laborious first breath.  For him, birth represented a dramatic change. Once in your arms, he began to feel better, with his head snuggled against your cheat, he heard that familiar heartbeat and felt reassured.  Your voice also comforted him.  As your adoring face moved closer, he scrutinized it.

In the next few days, he began to make the enormous adjustment to his strange new environment.  Having survived birth is a testament to the fact that he is not as fragile as he looks.

Presidential commissions have confirmed the profound effects of television violence on children’s aggressive behavior.  These reports indicate that violent television programming is related to an increase in children’s fighting.  If you do not want to have a physically aggressive child, you may consider monitoring your child’s television viewing habits.  One way to do this is to count the number of aggressive acts in your child’s Saturday morning cartoons.  Then you can decide if you would like her to continue to watch them.

Cartoon watching also seems to have a negative impact on children’s activity levels.  While they sit and stare at the television set, they appear zombie-like; afterward, these same children act overexcited, running helter-skelter with little direction or content in their play.  In all likelihood, a steady diet of superheroes and monsters is harmful.  Also, because two and three year olds are unable to distinguish between fantasy and reality, the evil warriors and monsters may seem real to them, and the characters in some of these daytime “entertainments’ can come back to haunt toddlers at nighttime.  To make matters worse, it is often difficult to tell where the cartoons end and the commercials begin.

However, television can be used for positive ends as well.  Good educational programs, like Sesame Street and Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood, can teach your toddler many interesting things. 

Learn to save your strength as you care for your twins [or any baby] by lifting them as seldom as possible, and when you do lift them, by using the muscles in your legs instead of those in your back. When they can crawl or walk, save steps by letting them come to you for playing and loving as you sit on the floor. Childproof your home very carefully, two inquisitive little people will find more than twice as many things to get into as one. 

It’s wise to prepare yourself for strong jealousy of your twins among other children, both older and younger. Twins receive a great deal of admiration and attention from outsiders, they take more of their parent’s time, and they are so often so devoted to each other that they shun other children. On the other hand, many twins wish they were singletons. They tire of always having to contend with a sibling of the same age who receives the s me treatment. That is one reason you will continue to treat your twins as individuals. Provide two birthday cakes. Don’t always dress them alike. Encourage them to have different interests. Don’t use nicknames that marks them as twins [”Pete and Repeat” for example] and try to discourage others from doing so. 

Make a point of not worrying about your twins’ development in comparison with other children their age. If they were born prematurely, think of them in terms of their gestational age-their expected birth date-rather than their chronological age. They may be so content with each other’s company that they aren’t in a hurry to move from one stage to another. Twins often develop their own special language, which only they can speak and understand; discourage this by speaking to one twin at a time and waiting for him or her to answer.

When is the best time to wean your baby or toddler? The answer is, there is no real solid answer, and it is really a matter of when you or child is comfortable with weaning. The

American

Academy of Pediatricians recommends that babies be breastfed a minimum of one year, and the World Health Organization recommends a minimum of two years. This is because research has shown that breast milk is the best source of nutrition for a baby. Studies also show that in cultures where children are allowed to nurse for as long as they want the children usually will wean themselves at about three or four. However babies in the

US usually are only nursed for their first year of life. Weaning is a very personal decision and should be done whenever mommy or baby is ready based on your needs and lifestyle.

It is recommended that a mother who is breastfeeding does not abruptly stop. It can be hard on the baby who has grown accustom to breastfeeding and can lead to hormonal changes during the first few months of the child’s birth and bring on depression for the mother. It can also make the mother’s breast very painful as her body still produces milk and it can bring on mastitis, a breast infection. Experts also recommend that weaning be done during a time that is not stressful as this is a big change for mother and baby and a stressful time can make it much more difficult. When you want to stop breastfeeding you should do it little by little over several weeks to ease the transition for mom and baby.

The beginning of weaning for most children begins at about six to eight months when your child is introduced to solid foods. Your child will be getting nutrients from solid foods and may not need as much breast milk as before. Try to start by skipping one nursing session everyday and try to make it a time that is not the baby’s favorite nursing time, usually early morning, naptime and bedtime. Instead of this session give your baby a cup or bottle to drink from with either formula or whole milk or it is sometimes recommended to use a mixture of formula and whole milk and gradually introduce whole milk. Keep doing this for a few days every so often eliminating a nursing session until you are no longer breastfeeding. If your baby does not want to take a bottle from mommy try these tips to get your baby drinking from the bottle.

• Have someone other than mommy give the baby the bottle and have mommy stay in another room as even her voice can distract the baby’s feeding.
• Hold the baby in a different position that is not like he or she is breastfeeding. For example hold them facing you on your lap. Once the baby takes the bottle you can cradle them again.
• Propping a bottle up is dangerous for the baby make sure someone is there holding the bottle at all times, the baby could choke because the bottle milk may come out too fast.
• Whenever you decide the time to wean is right for you just remember to take it slow and listen to your body and your baby.

No, your cat will not suffocate your infant in the crib. The myth that says it will dates back to the days of witchcraft, when infant mortality was high and standards of hygiene were low. Someone always seemed to remember seeing a cat in the crib of a baby who subsequently died. The unfed animal was probably attracted to the crib by the smell of the milk. A cat, or any other animal, for that matter, is incapable of forming a complete seal around a baby’s mouth and nose, and so could not possibly suffocate him or her. However, it is wise to consider the possible reactions of your dog or cat to a new baby.

If you have no other children and have had your pet for some time, it is probably accustomed to being “the baby,” a valued and well loved member of the household, and may very well be jealous of a rival for your attention. The animal will most likely adjust quickly and learn to love the baby as much as it does you. You can ensure this acceptance by preparing the pet for the baby, much as you have prepared an only child. First, consider obedience training for a dog that will not obey your commands to sit, stay, and be quiet, or that cannot be kept from jumping up on people or furniture. If your dog or cat is not accustomed to children, try to arrange for it to spend some time with a baby occasionally. Speed up the process of your pet becoming acquainted with your baby by bringing home from the hospital something the baby has used so the dog or cat will get used to the unfamiliar scent.

Some parents put a cloth diaper or a small blanket in the hospital bassinet with the baby to pick up this odor. And when you get home from the hospital with the baby, try to spend a few minutes alone with the pet to assure it of your love, just as you would an older child.  Of course, you don’t want even the most loving dogs or cats in your infant’s crib. If you have not been able to train your dog to stay off beds or other furniture, or if your cat shows an interest in leaping into the crib to investigate the new arrival, block the door of the baby’s room with the gate that you will be using later on to keep your baby from tumbling down the stairs or otherwise getting into dangerous trouble. This will allow you to see into the baby’s room, but will keep the pet out. The possibility that your dog or cat will not adjust to having a baby in the house and have to be banished is remote, but the chances that your baby will be allergic to your pet. May not be.

About one child in five develops allergies to one or another substance. Pollen, food, or dust may be responsible-even the bacteria that survives in your water bed-anything that can be touched, eaten, or breathe, or even the tiny particles of dog or cat hair or skin [called dander] that are suspended in the air of your house. A tendency toward allergies is often inherited, but the specific allergies, do not always take the same form in one family member as in another. For example, you yourself may be sensitive to certain foods or a plant that blooms at a certain season of the tear, but not to animals.

Your child may inherit your tendency to allergies, but react, at least in infancy, only to animals. The symptoms of allergy to animal hair are similar to those of hay fever caused by pollens of trees, grass, and other plants. You may at first confuse them with the symptoms of a cold; itchy, runny eyes and nose, a general stuffiness of the head, an ear infection or perhaps even a little wheezing in breathing. If you suspect that an allergy to your pet is causing your baby’s discomfort, see your doctor. Until something is done, the symptoms will increase and can cause sleeplessness, loss of appetite, inflammation of the eyes, ears, sinuses, throat and bronchial tubes, and perhaps even a full blown asthma attack. Unfortunately, your only solution will be to get the animal out of the house. Allergies do change as people grow older, and at some time in the future your child may outgrow this one and be able to enjoy the benefits of having a dog or cat. Do be aware that pests, such as fleas, and even some illnesses can be transmitted from pets to children. Keep your pet clean and insect free. Wash your hands carefully after handling or cleaning up after your pet. Ask your veterinarian’s advice if your dog or cat is sick, or if there are animal illnesses prevalent to your community.