Parenting & New Baby Advice Blog

Your baby might be ready to help feed herself when she sits with stability in her highchair, can put objects into her mouth, has begun some chewing motions, and perhaps holds breast or bottle in her hands while feeding.  Both she and you benefit from her attempts to feed independently.  Though the process may be much slower and is definitely messier than your feeding her, the advantages of letting her try are many.  She feels good making her fingers, body, and mouth cooperate as she attempts to satisfy her hunger.  Feeding herself stimulates all her senses and provides a wonderful learning experience.  She will taste and smell the food.  She will feel the texture and temperature on her fingers as she reaches, chews, and swallows her food.  She will love the click her spoon makes on her dish or on her new teeth.  And she will enjoy the bright colors of the squash and peas.

Transitional Period

At six months, your baby can put objects into her mouth.  She explores her world with her mouth, which makes this time perfect to begin some finger foods.  She can also sit with little support.  By seven months, she may have some teeth and begin to make chewing motions with her mouth.  She can hold a small bottle by herself and may even begin to take liquids from a cup with your help.

While she cannot be expected to feed herself all her foods at this stage, she can participate by feeding herself some foods while you prepare the rest of her meal.  She can also have finger foods for snacks.

Appropriate finger foods during this period include those that dissolve easily in her mouth, such as the following:

• Small pieces of toast.
• Small pieces of cooked vegetables, such as peas, squash, soft green beans, or broccoli.
• Small pieces of very soft meat, such as fish without bones, chicken, or hamburger.
• Small pieces of scrambled egg [unless there is a history of allergy].
• Small pieces of ripe bananas, peaches, and pears.
• Small pieces of soft cheese, such as Monterey Jack. Or Colby [unless there is a milk allergy.
• Cheerios or puffed rice.
• Foods you should avoid include those that may cause choking.  Do not offer the following during the first year:
• Any dried fruits, such as apricots, raisins, dates, pineapple, or coconut.
• Any nuts, such as walnuts or peanuts.
• Popcorn, potato chips, corn chips, or crackers that do not dissolve well.
• Hard candy of any kind.
• Uncooked vegetables, such as carrots or celery.
• Hotdogs and other foods that might be of “windpipe size.”

Bath time is an excellent time to teach your baby to drink from a cup.  She will enjoy the challenge and you will not need to contend with a mess on the floor, or her clothes.  Use a plastic shot glass or a plastic nipple cover as the first cup.  The smaller diameter makes it easier for her to manage with her small mouth.  You can offer her water, breast milk, formula, or juice from a cup.

If you are bottle feeding your baby may enjoy helping you hold her bottle. Let her participate by pulling the nipple in and out of her mouth and adjusting the angle of the bottle.  Avoid putting her to bed with her bottle, though; as she falls asleep, less saliva bathes her teeth and she swallows less often.  Some milk may “pool” in her mouth and support the growth of bacteria, which leads to tooth decay.

Tooth buds for your baby’s first teeth begin to form at about six weeks of fetal life.  Between the fourth and fifth months of fetal life, some tooth buds become evident.  By about the seventh month of fetal life, the tooth buds for all of your baby’s primary [deciduous] teeth are formed.  At birth, the crowns-the portions of the teeth visible above the gums-of your baby’s front  are already formed and contain most of their enamel covering.  The crowns for some of the other primary teeth are partially formed, and the tooth buds for some of the permanent molars are forming.  By the time your child is three years old, the crowns of some permanent teeth will be clearly fairly well formed, and the tooth buds for the last molars will have formed.

As early as three months of age, your baby may begin teething.  Teething is marked by drooling, fretting, and chewing on things in an attempt to reduce the discomfort of sore, swollen gums.  Some babies will exhibit these symptoms for up to four months before the first tooth finally erupts.  If your baby seems uncomfortable, you can help reduce the pain and swelling in her gums by giving her firm, smooth, cool, unbreakable objects to chew.  Massaging the inflamed gums with a clean fingertip may also be helpful.  Medications to numb painful gums are also available.

Don’t be alarmed if your baby seems less interested in the breast or the bottle while teething; sucking increases the blood flow and hence the swelling and pain of the gums.  If she’s old enough, you might try offering her fluids from a cup.

Your baby’s first tooth should appear when she is four to eight months old.  It is not unusual for a child to be ten or more months old before the first tooth appears, though, and occasionally a baby is born with one or more teeth already erupted.  Although most babies will have cut six to eight teeth by their first birthday, some normal babies will have just two teeth or fewer.  If your baby is approaching the age of one year and no teeth are evident [you may see the outlines of teeth before they erupt], you should talk to your baby’s doctor about having a dental examination.

Even though all of your baby’s teeth may have erupted by one and a half to two years of age, you will have to exercise care in the foods that you give her.  A child’s chewing ability is usually not fully developed until about the age of four years.  Children younger than this should not be given such foods as popcorn, nuts [especially peanuts], raw vegetables such as carrots, whole grapes, and hotdogs and round candies.  If these and similar food items are not properly chewed, they may lodge in a small child’s windpipe and cut off the air supply.

Because a baby’s teeth begin to form so early in fetal life, what the mother ate, or did not eat during pregnancy can have an effect on the development of the baby’s teeth.  However, the nutritional needs of the teeth and their supporting bones and muscles are easily met by a well balanced diet; an ample supply of calcium is essential.  After birth, the diet recommended by your baby’s doctor will contain the proper nutrients for baby’s healthy growth and development, including healthy teeth formation.

The change from a microscopic cell to a seven pound baby requires substantial alterations in the body of the mother carrying the baby as well. However, while the baby changes most rapidly in the first few weeks, the mother undergoes her most dramatic changes in the later stages of pregnancy. In the first six weeks, the mother’s physical changes are due primarily to alterations in hormone levels. These changes are subtle, and she may not even realize she is pregnant. She may have few symptoms or may easily attribute them to other causes. After this time, the mother’s physical changes are partly dependent on the growth of the baby and become more noticeable as the baby gets larger and larger. Although the most obvious changes occur in the uterus and abdomen, almost all of the organs in her body are altered.

When a woman becomes pregnant, her uterus is the part of her body that is affected first and that undergoes the most significant changes. It increases to five or six times its original size, twenty times its original weight, and one thousand times its initial capacity. The amount of muscle, connective and elastic tissue, blood vessels, and nerves increases.

The shape changes from elongated to oval by the second month, to round by mid-gestation, then back through oval to elongate at term. The uterus softens beginning at the sixth week. It changes position as it increases in size, ascending into the abdomen by the fourth month and eventually reaching to the liver. It also becomes more contractile, with irregular, painless, Braxton-Hicks contractions beginning in the first trimester. These contractions may be felt in the last weeks of pregnancy, when they are known as false labor.

Other parts of the reproductive system change along with the uterus, the cervix and vagina have increased blood supply, which causes a darkening in color. This is apparent by the sixth week. The amount of the elastic tissue increases to prepare the way for the stretching that will be required during delivery. Secretions increase, and a mucous plug develops in the cervix. The fallopian tubes, ovaries, and ligaments supporting the uterus all enlarge and elongate. The ovaries, of course, cease to ovulate.

During the fourth month, the uterus will grow into the abdomen, causing the abdominal wall to expand to accommodate it. The connective and elastic tissues are stretched and straitened, creating thin areas called striae [stretch marks]. Unfortunately, while the color of the striae may fade, scars remain after delivery. In fifty percent of women, striae will develop in the third trimester. Late in pregnancy, the internal pressure from the large uterus may even cause the muscles of the abdominal wall to separate.

A woman’s breasts must undergo many changes during pregnancy to be able to produce milk. In the first two months, the breasts may feel sore or full. They will increase in size, and veins may become visible on the surface. Striae can develop. The nipples also increase in size and usually darken in color. By mid-pregnancy, colostrums [a thick, yellowish fluid] can be expressed, but milk is not produced until after delivery.

Since the baby is being fed by the mother’s blood supply and the mother’s enlarging reproductive organs require more blood flow, the amount of blood must also increase. During pregnancy, blood volume expands by twenty-five to forty percent, but the number of red blood cells [the oxygen carrying component of blood] increases to a lesser extent. Therefore pregnant women are generally anemic-that is, their blood’s oxygen-carrying ability is somewhat decreased.

To pump an increased amount of blood through the body, the heart must work slightly harder, the heart pumps more blood per beat and beats slightly faster. Heart murmurs attributed to the flow through the heart may develop.

The blood vessels are also affected by pregnancy. The enlarging uterus pressing on veins in the pelvis, increasing the pressure in the veins from the legs. The increased pressure causes the leg veins to enlarge producing varicosities [areas of enlargement]. It may also cause fluid to leak out of the veins and into the tissues, causing swelling of the feet and ankles. Late in pregnancy, the uterus can also compress a major vein, the vena cava, in some women when they lie on their backs; if this occurs, blood is prevented from returning to the heart and a feeling of faintness results.

The enlarging uterus not only pushes forward on the abdominal wall and down on the pelvic veins, but it also pushes up on the bottom of the rib cage and on the diaphragm [the muscle that stretches across the bottom of the chest cavity and assists in breathing]. The rib cage widens, and most women breathe slightly faster. Some feel short of breath.

Urination and digestion are also affected during pregnancy. The urinary tract is changed both by pressure from the uterus and by hormonal influences. The uterus presses against the bladder, which may cause a pregnant woman to urinate more frequently. Hormones cause the ureters [the tubes conducting urine from the kidneys to the bladder] to distend and the flow of urine in them to slow. The sluggish urine flow predisposes a pregnant woman to infection. Hormones, along with the increased blood volume, also causes the kidneys to filter more blood, however, the kidneys may not reabsorb sugar and protein efficiently because of this increased workload, and these substances may spill into the urine. Since the presence of sugar in the urine can also be caused by diabetes and the presence of protein can be caused by infection, most doctors screen the urine frequently during pregnancy and may do other tests if any abnormality is found.

The changes in digestion during pregnancy are well known and frequently kidded about. A pregnant woman craving for pickles and ice-cream has been the premise of many a joke. Women may have unusual cravings, and may also notice changes in the senses of smell and taste, which may cause them to alter eating habits. During pregnancy women often produce more saliva and the saliva will be more acidic, which promotes tooth decay. The gums are more sensitive and may bleed easily. In the first trimester, a woman may have morning sickness characterized by vomiting and a poor appetite. She may also be constipated. One of the pregnancy hormones causes the muscles of the digestive tract to relax, and they therefore pass digesting food more slowly through the intestines. In addition, the uterus can press on the colon, inhibiting passage of feces. Similar mechanisms produce heartburn. The muscles at the junction of the esophagus and the stomach relax and the uterus presses on the stomach from below, causing the stomach contents to flow back into the esophagus. In late pregnancy, the stomach may even be pushed up into the chest, producing a hiatal hernia.

A number of changes are necessary in the structures supporting the uterus to stabilize it as it grows. The ligaments in the pelvis and abdomen stretch to accommodate the uterus, in late pregnancy the upper part of the spine bends backward to compensate for the enlarging abdomen. Hormones loosen the joints of the pelvis in preparation for childbirth.

Hormonal influences are also responsible for changes in the skin. Pigmentation of the nipples, vulva [the external genital organs], the center of the lower part of the abdomen, and the umbilicus increases. Darkening across the face may appear; this is known as chloasma, or the mask of pregnancy. Hormones can also cause reddening of the palms and the appearance of small red spots on the skin; these are nests of blood vessels, which are known as spider nevi or telangiectasias. Sweat and all glands also become more productive.

One of the most important changes during pregnancy is the increase in metabolism, which is necessary to provide nourishment to the fetus .A woman must eat more in order to supply adequate protein, carbohydrates, and fat to the fetus and her own enlarging body. Most women gain about twenty-five pounds, three pounds in the first trimester, and ten to twelve pounds in each of the second and third trimesters. The placenta, fetus and amniotic fluid and the increased volume of blood and breast and urine tissue account for twenty pounds of that weight gain. The rest of the weight is fat and extra fluid. A pregnant woman must also take in more vitamins and minerals for the growing of the fetus. Calcium, which is needed for developing bones, and iron, which is used to make new blood cells, generally needs to be ingested in greater amounts from the fourth month of pregnancy on.

The physical changes during pregnancy are miraculous. Amazingly, though, the physical alterations in the mother reverse after birth, and her body returns to its normal state. For the new baby, however, the process of change that started nine months before has just begun.

Your baby’s social life with his peers will begin just as soon as you see to it that he has opportunities to see other babies.  You can put two babies in a playpen or on a blanket on the grass at three months old, and if they are both in happy moods, they’ll make a picture both families will always treasure.  Cooperative play with other children, the kind most adults consider “real” play, doesn’t start until children are about three, but they all need the companionship of other children long before that.  Of course siblings often make wonderful playmates, but it is important for your baby to be around others who are close to him in age and size.

Finding suitable playmates may or may not be easy, depending on your neighborhood, your own circle of friends, and your personal inclinations and abilities in making new friends.  If there’s a public park near you, you may find this “fresh air playroom” the ideal place both for your child and yourself to take a break from the home routine.  Many lifetime friendships for both parents and children have begun in parks.  The parents socialize and childcare tips as their babies doze in carriages; then later they share supervision duties as their children play on park equipment and learn to get along with others.

Some who have watched their own children or others’ closely as their social lives developed have noted that play progresses in quite predictable stages.  The first stage is not play at all; babies under a year old are watchers.  They examine their toys and everything they get their hands on very closely, and they stare at other people.  You’ll probably notice that your baby is especially interested in other babies and small children and is well aware that they are different from adults.

Toddlers begin what’s called parallel play.  They play side by side or back to back, paying little or no attention to each other.  They like being together and they may occasionally enjoy watching each other play, but most of all each is interested in what he is doing.  When your child is about eighteen months old, you’re likely to see some aggressiveness.  Toddlers don’t really know how to play yet.  They don’t understand sharing, and they haven’t learned that it’s not right to hit and shove and bite other people.  Use common sense when handling a battle between two toddlers; remember that you are the adult.  Of course you can’t stand by and see a child get really hurt, but be careful you don’t teach your toddler that it’s all right to hit others because Mommy will see to it that the others don’t hit back. And be aware that if you spank your toddler for being overly aggressive, you’ll be teaching that the way to stop hitting is to hit.

Associated play, in which children really play together, follows soon.  This is unstructured play; there are no rules, but two children will talk to each other and use some of the same toys.  Both attention spans and tempers are short, and egos are all-important, so you can’t expect the fun to last more than about a half hour in most cases.  You’ll hear the word “mine” often.  If the eyes of to children happen to light on the same toy at the same time, they’ll both reach for it whether or not they really want it.  In fact, toddlers at this age really do want everything they see, unselectively.  Reason won’t solve the problem of contention; these children are not yet old enough to grasp the idea of sharing.  You may be able to make use of a time to set the end of one child’s turn and the beginning of the other’s, but sometimes you may simply have to put a toy away.

Remember that the quarrels that annoy you because they seem senseless help children develop social skills.  If you interfere in any but the most serious, you will be depriving the children of a chance to learn how to get along with others.  At this point, children almost always do best with just one other child, and will get along better and be able to play longer with one than with another.  It is important now that your child sees as many others as possible so as to be able to select the ones with whom she most enjoys playing.

By about the age of three, your child will have become proficient enough at social relationships to begin cooperative play, which involves rules and sharing and turns and fairness-in playing house, the “mother” must act like a mother; it’s not fair for one child to knock down a tower of blocks two have put up together; your child will know that she can’t use the swing while it’s the playmate’s turn.  If you have older children, it’s at about this point that you begin to see the sibling companionship you’ve been waiting for.  While previously the older kids have probably enjoyed playing with the younger one as a sort of living toy, now little brother or little sister has learned enough to make proper responses in play situations and has become much more interesting.  Imaginative role playing-“school,” “house,” “office”-is fun for both the younger and the older kids.

Parents often worry if they see what they think are signs of shyness in their child.  Some shyness is simply the result of a developmental phase; the child will soon outgrow it and become outgoing and friendly.  You can help your shy toddler or preschooler by encouraging non-threatening play with just one or two low-key children, not a crowd of boisterous ones. Be aware that some children are less gregarious than others, just as some adults are.  Don’t push too hard.

After making the dramatic transition to life outside the womb, your baby is faced with the task of learning to survive in his completely new environment.  Fortunately, nature has provided him with many reflexes to maximize his success until he is able to do certain things voluntarily.  Your own instinctual responses will guide you in meeting your baby’s needs.

Just as a mother’s breasts are programmed to provide milk to nourish her newborn, a baby automatically knows how to respond to attempts to feed him.  When you stimulate his cheek, mouth, or lips with the nipple of a breast or a bottle, his head will turn toward it, his mouth will open, and his tongue will move forward.  This movement of his head and mouth is called the rooting reflex and helps him find a source of nourishment.  As soon as the inside of his sensitive mouth is stimulated, he will automatically suck and swallow in a coordinated fashion.

A similar reaction, the hand to mouth reflex occurs if you stroke your baby’s cheek or the palm of his hand.  His mouth will “root” and his arm will flex.  After his hand and mouth find each other, he may suck his fist energetically for several minutes.  This reflex helps babies suck and swallow any mucus that might have been clogging their upper airways [nose and mouth] after birth.

If you slowly pull your baby to a sitting position from his back, he will make a gallant attempt to keep his head upright.  This response is called the righting reflex.  Because his head is heavy and his muscles are not yet strong enough to hold it steady, his head will wobble back and forth.  You will quickly learn to support his head when you pick him up.

For the first few weeks, your baby will lie with one cheek down when on his back.  As his head turns to one side, the arm on the same side straightens and the opposite arm bends.  This posture resembles a “fencing position” and is called the tonic neck reflex.  Lying in this position gives your baby an opportunity to discover his own hand in the weeks to come.  Because it is difficult to turn over on an outstretched arm, this reflex will have to fade before your baby will be able to turn over.

A newborn baby has a very strong grasping reflex.  If you place your finger in his palm, his fingers will curl tightly around it.  The automatic grasp reflex fades over the first two to three months to enable your baby to grasp objects voluntarily.  Gentle pressure against the sole of his foot causes his toes to curl downward.  Stroking the side of his soles will cause his toes to spread and the big toe to extend upward.  This Babinski reflex is the opposite of the normal adult response, in which the big toe turns downward.

Holding your baby upright and pressing the sole of one foot at a time to a firm surface will elicit the stepping reflex.  He will alternately bend each leg as though walking.  This remarkable reflex fades rapidly but reappears months later, as your baby prepares himself for voluntary walking.

Stroking one leg causes the other to bend, cross the first leg, and push away the offending object.  He moves as though to escape from a harmful stimulus.

When placed on his belly, your baby will lift his head and turn it from side to side.  He may even attempt to crawl.  His responses make it virtually impossible to smother when he is lying on his stomach on a firm, flat surface. [For this reason, you need not worry that your baby will have trouble breathing when prone.  You should, however, keep excess bedclothes, toys, and stuffed animals out of the way.]

The most dramatic reflex is the Moro, or startle response.  A loud noise or rough handling will cause your baby to throw back his arms and legs, extend his neck, and cry out.  Then he will bring his arms together in an embrace and flex his legs.  Unfortunately, your baby’s response disturbs him further.  His own furious crying only serves to startle him again.  You can help break this cycle by calmly bringing his flailing extremities close to his body; applying steady, gentle pressure with your hand against his chest and abdomen; or simply holding him securely against your own body.  By three months of age, this reflex will disappear.

Toddler Period

The rapid rate of growth in the first year of life slows during the second year.  Correspondingly, your baby’s appetite diminishes as well.  She may express some very strong food preferences and refuse to eat foods she seemed to enjoy as an infant.  She may show lack of interest in eating and dawdle for what seems like hours over her meal.  She wants to feed herself but may be very messy with cup, spoon, and fingers.  If a food is too difficult to chew, she will take it out of her mouth and not eat it.  Cutting her food into easy to eat pieces will help.

Since individual children vary so much in their growth, activity level, and interest in food, the amount of food to feed and how frequently to feed vary too.  In general, your toddler needs about nine hundred to eighteen hundred calories a day in her second year.  The calories should be from a high quality, varied diet.  Milk intake should be monitored by your baby’s doctor.  Some toddlers may not get enough milk, while others get too many of their daily calories from milk.

Offering your child a balanced varied diet, including some high quality protein foods, and avoiding “junk” food is the best approach to feeding.  Never force-feed your toddler.  Even when it seems she is not eating at all, force feeding is not the answer; this approach may lead to the development of some unnecessary feeding problems.  Let her natural appetite be her guide.  If she is only offered good food, then when she does eat, she will eat well.

Each new stage of development offers new feeding challenges to parents.  Remember that by offering your baby very nutritious foods, prepared and portioned in a way that is appropriate for her age, you are doing the very best you can to be healthy.

Making Your Own Baby Food

The first foods you offer your baby should be smooth in texture and thin in consistency.  Initially, solid foods should, therefore, be offered to her in a very liquid form-that is, pureed.  At about seven or eight months, your baby is able to manage soft chunks of food with some substance [such as bits of cheese, flakes of fish, peas and Cheerios], which she can get from the family table.  As a result, pureeing your baby’s food is a temporary task.

What is the difference between commercial and homemade baby food?  The difference really depends on the quality of the foods used to make the baby food, the care given to preserve the vitamin and mineral content, and the amount of salt, sugar, preservatives, and spices that have been added to the food.  In general, homemade baby food is often denser in calories.  That is, it often is thicker and has less water.  Commercial baby food is required by law to list the ingredients contained in each jar.  You will notice that in response to parents’ wishes, commercial baby food now rarely contains added salt, sugar, spices or preservatives.

Homemade baby food may have a higher vitamin and mineral content than commercial baby food if it is made from the very freshest foods and if it is served soon after preparation.  A long shelf life and exposure to light may reduce the vitamin content of commercial baby food.

In the preparation of commercial baby food, care is taken to be certain the food is free of bacteria and other organisms that could make your baby sick.  Homemade baby food is safe; too, if a high standard of cleanliness is used in its preparation.

If you decide to make your own baby food, the following method may be helpful.Preparing Your Own Baby Food with a Blender or Food Processor

1. Use the freshest and best foods available.  Avoid canned foods that are high in salt and additives. Avoid using foods that have added sugar, spices, preservatives, or fat, and don’t add these ingredients yourself.
2. Wash your hands carefully before you handle the food or equipment.
3. Make sure all the cooking utensils, the cutting board, and the blender or food processor is very clean.  You can do this by scrubbing all equipment with hot, soapy water and rinsing it well.
4. Prepare the food for cooking by washing fruits and vegetables well and removing skins, pit, and seeds.  Remove the fat, skin, and bones from meats.
5. Cook the food by steaming or boiling in a very small amount of water in a covered pot.  Cook until tender.
6. Add a cup of the cooked food to the blender or processor and puree with just enough of the cooking liquid to allow the blades to spin.  Add more cooking liquid or water if necessary.
7. Some foods do not need to be cooked.  Fresh peaches, pears, and bananas are examples.  These may be processed by cutting the peeled fruits into chunks and then pureeing.
8. The pureed food may be served right away.  The remainder should be stored carefully for later use.
9. To store the pureed food, place serving size portions in an ice-cube tray, a paper cupcake liner, or a glass dish or on a piece of plastic wrap and freeze.  Two tablespoons is an arbitrary serving size.  Make the servings larger or smaller depending on what your baby eats.
10. To serve stored food, reheat the individual portions.  Microwave ovens can be dangerous since they may create hotspots in the cooked food, which can burn your baby’s mouth.  Be sure to cool the food to a safe temperature before feeding.

Once your baby no longer requires purred food, a baby food grinder is a convenient way to make baby food right at the table.  The grinder should be very clean, and the food used in the grinder should be very fresh, unsalted, and without spices, fat, or skins.  Place the right portion in the grinder, adding water or cooking water as needed to get the right consistency.  You will discover that as your baby grows older, she prefers foods from your table since she wants to eat the same foods she sees you eating.

Whether or not giftedness can be precisely measured in its entirety, parents, psychologists, and educators know that it is an actual phenomenon that exists as part of the individual’s personality. There are lists of behavioral characteristics of gifted children available to help parents and educators to understand how to assess giftedness.

As already mentioned, characteristics of gifted children include, but are not limited to, an IQ of more than 132 [above 145 for highly gifted] on the standard intelligence tests. Characteristics of the gifted or highly gifted may also include children with musical or artistic gifts way beyond their chronological age, children who demonstrate an extreme capacity for creative or divergent thinking, or children who are psychological insightful or socially responsible with leadership abilities.

Professor of psychology, Professor Ellen Winner [Gifted Children: Myths and Realities, Basic books, 1996] defines three atypical characteristics of gifted children that go beyond a measurement on an IQ test:

1. Gifted children are precocious and learn more quickly and easily than typical children.

2. Gifted children insist on marching to their own drummer, which includes the ability to learn quickly on their own, and the ability to make up rules as they go along. Very smart children solve problems in novel and idiosyncratic ways.

3. Gifted children have a strong desire for mastery. They are intrinsically motivated to make sense of the domain in which they show precocity which often includes an obsessive and sharp focus on their own interests.

Gifted children are critical thinkers, creative, rapid learners; curious; capable of being highly communicative; extremely perceptive; able to retain information easily; and committed to a task, which they pursue resourcefully and in detail. Gifted children also are highly sensitive. In situations where they feel out of place or misunderstood, gifted children can act in highly anxious or in other emotional ways. Very smart children may have socialization problems and feel awkward because of their intellectual superiority in comparison to their peer group. Gifted children are often treated as strange by other children because they are so smart.

One important and difficult characteristic I have encountered and observed many times over with gifted children and their parents is perfectionism. Parents of extremely smart children are usually extremely smart as well. If they are involved with their children, parents want only the “best” for every child rearing situation. This intensity can create another layer of difficulty or stress for both the parent and child in day to day relations. The sense of urgency and entitlement that everything must be accomplished according to high standards leads me to conclude that most gifted parents tend to be perfectionists who over identify with their children. Very bright parents may have unrealistic expectations for themselves and their children. This is definitely something to watch out for and try to avoid.

By contrast, parents who are mature and sufficiently satisfied with their own lives are better able to help their children develop their own inner talents and identity. Parents who have some insight into themselves and their children focus on realistic problems to promote their child’s potential instead of creating or helping to create anxiety, depression, or burnout.

Fine Motor Control Cruising and WalkingAfter he can pull himself up to a stand by holding on a piece of furniture, he will start to “cruise.”  Cruising consists of steps while holding onto the furniture for support.  At first, he will probably face the furniture and shuffle sideways.  As he gains confidence in his balance, he will slide one hand as he walks in a forward direction.  Cruising usually begins in the ninth month, but can begin as early as seven and a half months and as late as twelve and a half months.When your child bravely lets go of the furniture and takes his first solo steps, walking has begun.  This milestone of development is as exciting for you as it is for your child.  Walking with or without assistance usually occurs by a baby’s first birthday, and most babies walk well by fourteen months of age.Your baby will quickly grow more nimble and confident. By eighteen months, he will be able to walk backward.  Between fourteen and twenty-four months, he will learn to walk up stairs, though it may be a couple of months longer until he can confidently walk down the stairs.  Ay eighteen months, he will be able to run stiffly.  In just a few months more, he will not look as precarious as he runs towards you.

As your newborn looks about her world, her own fisted hand randomly passes through her field of vision.  This strange object may interest her, but she has no idea of what it is or how it got there.  By compelling her arm to extend in front of her face when she turns her head to the side, the tonic neck reflex creates plenty of opportunity for her to study her hand.  During the first six weeks, she devotes more and more time to her own fisted hand.

As the grasp reflex fades, she is increasingly able to unclench her fist.  Similarly, her body unwinds from its flexed position.  As the tonic neck reflex disappears, she spends more time looking up rather than looking to the side when she lies on her back.  Hand to mouth activity, which began as a reflex at birth, becomes a more deliberate, conscious act.  She moves her hands over her chest where she can look at them, explore them with her mouth, and finger one with the other.

Until three months of age, she will look at things without touching them and finger objects absently without looking at them.  Then, the two systems for examining the world fuse.  She sees something and turns her head to see what it is.  She sees something interesting and reaches out to learn more about it by touch.

Her first attempts at hand contact consist of broad swipes.  Her entire hand sweeps in a grand gesture as she bats at, and occasionally contacts, an object.  The coordination of her arms begins closest to her body-at the shoulder.  At six to fourteen weeks, sturdy objects suspended within an arm’s length of your baby make good toys.

After this swiping period, you may notice that your baby begins to make slow, labored attempts to reach out and touch an object with one or both hands.  If you watch carefully, you might see her glance back and forth between the object and her hand as she calculates the remaining distance.  Having not yet mastered the correct sequence for grasping, she may close her fist before she reaches the object.  During this time [between fourteen and twenty-three weeks], try to be patient when you hand her a toy.  Give her plenty of time as she laboriously tries to reach out and grasp it.  Practicing this sort of hand-eye coordination is important for her development.

Between four and six and a half months, she will have mastered the ability to smoothly lift her hand and accurately grasp an object.  This is the time to introduce toys that make things happen-toys that help her learn cause and effect [such as squeaky ducks, or spinning bathtub toys].

During the six through eight months, your baby will avidly explore everything in sight with her eyes, hands, and mouth. She will use both hands simultaneously to explore objects; while holding an object in each hand, for instance, she may delight in banging the two together.  Given a small block, she will be able to transfer it from one hand to the other.

At six months, most babies can deliberately, but perhaps awkwardly let go of an object.  By ten months, your baby will be quite adept at uncurling her fingers at will to release an object.  Over and over, she will grasp something and drop it for the sheer pleasure of watching it fall.  For a while she will rely on you to retrieve these objects. 

Between eight and fourteen months, your baby may spend long periods of time examining small objects.  She will learn to prod an object with a single index finger.  Rather than raking at things with her whole hand, she will begin to oppose her thumb and index finger in a “pincer grasp” to pick up a small object.  At first your baby may need to steady her hand against a firm surface as she learns the pincer grasp.  By her first birthday, your child will be an expert at plucking the smallest crumbs from the kitchen floor.

Your doctor will be keeping track of when your baby masters these motor skills.

Have you ever wondered if your child is gifted? Then the advice of child development experts finally registers on your radar screen. Or perhaps you have just been told that your child is gifted as measured on a standardized IQ test. Whether you already suspected this or not, finding out that your child is gifted can give rise for some immediate questions and concerns. What do you do now? Do you have to start looking for special programs or a special school for your little genius? Will your child be labeled as a geek or a nerd and never fit in socially with his or her peers? What impact will this have on your other children, especially if they are not as gifted?

Certain parents are overjoyed at this news. They consider their child to be a new status symbol, an accessory to their own brilliance. Other parents are in denial. They decide that this is un-welcomed information can and should be ignored, or at least taken lightly in relationship to other family issues. And still others recognize that they have been given some enormous responsibility and they want to do the best job of being a parent that is humanly possible. I hope you fall into this category.

Understanding Giftedness

Before anything else, you must try to understand what it means that your kid is gifted. This can be a difficult task for countless reasons, but two stand out:

• 1. There is no agreed upon definition of the qualities of intellect and personality necessary to categorize a child as gifted.
• 2. There are many powerful and confusing myths in our society about gifted children and adults.

Both reasons are huge factors in why it is often difficult to recognize and understand gifted children. Let’s look at each reason in a little more detail.

Measuring Giftedness

IQ is often used as a basic measure for giftedness. The most common standardized tests used on an individual basis to measure intelligence are the Stanford-Binet Intelligence test and the Wechsler Scales of Intelligence. IQ scores of between 132 and 145 are considered in the gifted range: the 98^th percentile in a statistical sample.

The Standard-Binet and the Wechsler Scales are used to measure general intellectual abilities. But many practical professionals who work with children think that there be a way to test for multiple intelligences, a more refined and diverse theory of intelligence. They are looking for a definition of giftedness that will apply to all children in all areas of intellectual, musical, scientific, or artistic endeavor. Obviously, musical talent differs from mathematical talent, which differs from abstract reasoning and the ability to express oneself in writing or speaking. Unequivocally, there is no one-size-fits-all definition that can be used to describe the gifted child.

Head Control

The first motor hurdle your infant must clear is to gain control over his relatively large head.  If you imagine trying to lift your head while balancing a huge, unabridged dictionary on top of it, you will have some idea of the challenge facing your baby.  He will spend the first three or four months learning to control his head movements.Gradually, his neck muscles will strengthen and his head will become less wobbly.  In the meantime, you will need to support his head when you pick him up.  By three months he will be able to control his head when gently pulled up to sit, though his head will still bob a little if you hold him in a sitting position.  By four to six months, his head doesn’t fall backward as you sit him up; and once sitting, he can hold his head steady.

Despite the head’s relatively large size, your healthy newborn can raise his head long enough to move it from side to side when lying on his stomach.  Hence, he can avoid suffocation.  Over the next three months he will develop enough strength to lift his head ninety degrees away from a flat surface.  Between two and four months, if his arms are extended in front of his chest, he can raise his head and chest above a surface.

Sitting

As your baby gains strength progressively down his torso to his hips, he will be able to sit.  Around four months of age, he will be able to sit with support for ten to fifteen minutes.  At this point, he will enjoy sitting with his back supported by an infant seat, pillows, or friendly hands.  Stroller rides become much more fun because he is able to sit up and observe the world.  He may even enjoy brief outings in a baby backpack.  During meals, he can sit in a highchair with a pillow or blanket supporting the lower part of his back.

Between five and seven and a half months, if you set him down with his legs spread apart, he will be able to sit alone.  You may still want to put pillows or blanket rolls around him to pad his fall should he topple over.  For a while, he will still need to lean forward on his hands to maintain his sitting posture.  But soon he will be able to balance, freeing his hands to finger interesting objects.  By nine months he will be able to push himself into a sitting position.  His increasing independence will give him hours of delight as he sits and plays with his toys.

Rolling Over

Rolling represents your baby’s first whole-body maneuver and his first means of locomotion.  As the tonic neck reflex fades, his arm no longer automatically extends as he turns his head.  When he has enough control over his head, torso and legs, he can tuck his arm under himself and roll.  His weighty head initiates the rotation.At about three months, babies start to turn by rolling to their sides.  Between four and six months your baby will probably first roll from his stomach to his back.  A month or so later, he will master rolling in both directions.  Never leave a baby of any age unattended on a raised surface, as even young infants can accidentally flip themselves over.

Crawling

During the same time your baby is learning to sit, he may also start to crawl.   The onset of crawling is extremely variable.  Some babies prefer to bounce along on their buttocks from a sitting position.  A few babies seem to decide that they would rather omit crawling and proceed directly to walking.If crawling is to occur, first attempts can begin as early as five months of age.  If yours is a very active baby, he may then travel by half rolling and half pushing himself in the desired direction.  He may start to crawl at seven months.

The average baby begins by creeping in the six or seventh month.  Because a baby’s arms are stronger and better coordinated than his legs, he may drag himself around by pushing with his arms, dragging his legs behind.  His first progress may be in a backward direction.  Later, he will be able to dig in with his toes and knees.  By eight months, he will probably be scooting about on hands and knees in the traditional crawl position.

Once crawling begins, your child will be jubilantly exploring all the things in the house he had to passively view from a distance for so long.  He will be able to entertain himself for longer periods.  The trade off is that you will have to be especially vigilant about his activities.  You must “baby proof’ your house [check for safety hazards] before your baby can navigate on his own.  He may be as curious about the electrical outlets in your house as he is about toys.

Standing

Between three and six months, your baby will bear some weight on his legs when you stand him up.  At first, he will stiffly lock his legs.  A few weeks later, he will bounce by bending and straightening his legs.  Check to see if he can stand with his feet flat; “toe walking” may be a sign that he is bearing his weight on his legs too early.

Your baby may begin pulling himself to a standing position as early as six months or as late as ten months.  Most babies pull to a stand between the eighth and ninth months.  You can help your baby by providing him with stable objects that won’t topple over with his weight.  Surrounding him with pillows will help cushion him if he falls; but keep an eye out to make sure he doesn’t suffocate.

At first, he will be delighted with his upright posture.  Happy gurgles may turn to wails of despair, though, when he discovers that he doesn’t know how to sit back down.  He can help him learn to sit by sliding his hands down the supporting object to lower his buttocks to the floor.By the eleventh month, your child will probably be able to stand well alone.  About this same time, he may get himself to a stand by bending his knees and pushing off from a squatting position.