Parenting & New Baby Advice Blog

Archive for March, 2008

Neither eighteen month olds nor two year olds are very good at sharing toys. This, too, is part of the normal development and should be accepted as such. From your baby’s perspective her baby teddy bear (and other toys) are an extension of herself. For someone to take a toy from her is a direct affront to her integrity. It’s as if part of her has been taken away. Parents are probably unrealistic to request a child of this age to share with other children. You can start to work toward that goal, but it may be too soon to reasonably expect to achieve it.

One helpful hint is to have a special set of toys designated for the play group. This way the toys don’t seem to belong to any one person. Aggression and fighting over toys can also be reduced with planned activities. The activities should be ones that are creative, messy, and fun, such as painting, or playing with blocks, sand, and molding material.

Difficulties with Changes in the Routine

Eighteen month olds are very ritualistic. Often routines must be carried out in exactly the same way or the toddler is upset. Recognizing this, you can help your toddler by trying to maintain as consistent a routine as possible. By doing this, your toddler doesn’t have to try to figure out what’s going to happen next. Transitions are also eased by letting children know what to expect.

Toddler’s typical ritualistic behavior may be due to their limited understanding of language. Sometimes we are fooled into thinking that eighteen month olds know more than they do. On occasion, parents should stand back and evaluate why the child acted the way he did. Perhaps he did not understand what was said or asked. While toddlers understand a great deal, not all ideas hold the same meaning for eighteen month olds as they do for adults.

Because of this, your child’s reactions to disruptions in his routine are likely to be more intense than they were earlier in his life. The toddler’s distress and obstinacy are said to be, in part, related to the beginning development of his sense of self. To the toddler, parent and child are becoming two separate people, which may be a stressful adjustment.

The emotions of fear and worry may seem more apparent with toddlers than with young babies. Some two year olds seem quite wary when confronted with new situations. In particular, such things as firecrackers, loud noises and vacuum cleaners can be pretty frightening. Toddlers don’t understand the relationship between cause and effect yet and may attribute magical or lifelike properties to noises and machines. The toddler may even think that these strange occurrences happened because of something he did.

Some children hold onto their parents until they are comfortable and secure in a new setting. Yet at home, if all is going well, your child should be able to leave your side to play by himself in another room. Your child’s caution and his checking in on you represent a beginning sense of reality. It is part of the normal developmental process, without which your child would not develop into a healthy, independent person.

Although at times your toddler will be difficult to manage, this is the age when it is even more important to be firm in setting limits, consistent in your demands, nurturing during the bad as well as the good moments. Your role is to balance the toddler’s desired independence with his continued need for reassurance, love and affection.

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Taking a step aside to the normal baby talk of baby receiving blankets and toys, let's talk about the chance of having a difficult delivery.

Normally the baby is born with the head down, facing backwards, so the widest part of the baby’s head passes through the widest part of the pelvis. The baby’s head pressing down on the cervix helps it dilate, and the baby rotates as it is born, helping the body slip out behind the head.

Some babies, however, are born in a different position. This normally causes problems in labor. A posterior presentation means that the baby faces forward; its spine can press against the mother’s as it moves down, causing her pain and slowing labor. And because the widest part of the baby’s head is passing through the narrowest part of the pelvis, the baby can get stuck here more easily, again prolonging labor and sometimes requiring the use of forceps.

A breech birth occurs when the baby does not turn, so that the head is not born first; breech babies are normally born buttocks-first, occasionally feet-first. About four births in a hundred are breech. Most breech births are straightforward, though you are most likely to need intervention, especially in a first birth. Many women are advised to have an epidural; usually the baby’s head is delivered with forceps to protect it, and you are likely to have an episiotomy to help the baby’s head out. If you wind up needing an emergency Cesarean, the epidural will already be set up.

Medical Intervention

Over the past decade or two, hospitals have increasingly used a variety of techniques that have revolutionized the process of childbirth. Most of these are intended to save lives, and frequently they do. However, many interventions have become routine in some hospitals, thus interfering with the birth process for many mothers who are not at risk. Hospitals are now more likely to discuss any possible intervention with you. You should make your views clear, although obviously everyone involved should accept that intervention may be necessary in case of an emergency.

Episiotomy

An episiotomy is a small incision made in the perineum, the skin between the vagina and the anus, to enlarge the vaginal opening and help the delivery of the baby’s head. The cut is made with scissors under a local anesthetic when the baby’s head comes into view. Done properly, the perineum will have stretched very thin and the cut can be made with a minimum of damage and bleeding. An episiotomy should not be necessary in a normal delivery, and you can ask not to have one if you prefer.

However, there is some controversy over whether it is better to have a small episiotomy or risk tearing the perineum when the baby’s head is born. Some feel that a small tear is better and heals more rapidly, while others believe it is easier to sew up a clean cut. You should not be in great pain when the stitches are put in; if you are, ask to have more local anesthetic.

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Over the course of our lifetime, we accumulate "stuff" that represents our history, experiences and the good and the bad events that have occurred during our journey through life.

I suppose I am overly sentimental and obsessed with ensuring my own children have keepsakes from their babyhood and beyond. Perhaps it is because I do not have mementos from my babyhood and toddler years that I place a huge importance on ensuring that my children do have treasures that they can appreciate as the years pass by. Call me a pack rat for my kids!

Photographs

Photos are a fabulous means of recording the life of a child.

For each photograph I take of my children, a copy is put into a special box for each of my child. The date and place is recorded on the back of the photograph in addition to additional names of others that may be in the photo. When my children turn 18, I will pass these photographs to my children for their own keeping.

Videos

A wonderful, realistic means of recording actions, words and developments of babies, toddlers and up.

The camcorder is an absolutely fantastic electronic device that I have become close friends with since my first baby. Not only do I take videos, but I also utilize video editing software to record music and sounds to the video clips to make it all the more personalized and interesting to others and my children. A copy of all videos is also put into safe keeping for each of my children.

Clothing and Toys

One cannot keep every single piece of clothing or toy, however, I have kept a piece of clothing and a toy from their newborn stage that has been given by a special person in their life such as grandma, grandpa, aunts and uncles, mommy and daddy and other special family members or friends. As the years go on, I am sure the collection will grow with favorite toys that they have cherished through their childhood or other "stuff" that will bring back fond memories.

Baby / Toddler Record Keeping Books

Recording the particulars of baby’s birth, date of their first steps, the first word spoken, a clipping of hair from their first haircut or all the "firsts" will be a wonderful keepsake for children when they are older. Every person is curious to know what they were like as a baby, what their favorite color or song was, etc. Remember, even parents forget such things and record keeping books are a great method of looking back and remembering your children.

Yes, I am probably Clean Sweep’s biggest nightmare but it is so important to me that I give my children a part of their history and I believe that they will be grateful when they are older and obtain these special treasures.

Personalized baby gifts and gift baskets are among our most popular gift items for newborn babies. Security blankets, baby blankets, plush toys and more embroidered with baby’s first name and birth dates are an excellent baby gift idea. Not only are they enchanting but are a fabulous keepsake gift that will last a lifetime.

Start your little blessing with a gift that will represent their babyhood and start in the journey of life.

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Real jealousy will almost surely rear its ugly head sooner or later among children younger than school age. Busy and independent older ones will probably take the new arrival in stride, suffering little if at all from feelings of rejection. Very likely they will be proud to have a baby in the family. They will look upon the infant as a sort of live plaything to be loved and cuddled and shown off to their friends. The best way to help the little ones through their feelings of displacement and rejection are to show them your love in every way you can and to spend as much time alone with them as you possibly can.

Your toddler is too unsophisticated to be anything but up-front about his or her feelings; life with the interloper who makes so much noise and takes Mommy’s time is unbearable. He or she will likely ask you to take the baby back and will be frankly envious of the attention the baby is getting. You may be able to cheer up the child a little by stressing how lucky the baby is to have such a fine big brother or sister and by letting him or her help you care for and entertain the baby. This child isn’t old enough yet to have developed much feeling about right or wrong, and pinching, hitting, or sitting on the baby won’t seem a crime to him or her. You’ll need to watch the child closely and lay down a no nonsense law that the baby must not be hurt. This may be one of the rare times you choose to use strong discipline.

By the age of three, your child understands that deliberately hurting the baby is wrong. Do however, watch the pats and squeezes and hugs, they may be a bit too hard. This child may be so angry about the baby’s appearance that he or she won’t talk to you, won’t cooperate in any way. Or, he or she may be afraid to displease you by showing the anger. The child may be excessively good or fake exaggerated and unfelt love for the baby. You can admit to this child that yes, the baby can be a nuisance, bothering you when you two are reading the new baby book gift set or playing. Be careful not to give the idea that there’s any solution other than the baby’s ultimate growing up into a reasonable child.

Your preschooler will probably try to take your attention away from the baby by showing off his or her feats of strength and skill and cleverness. The child feels rejected and cannot understand what you see in this infant who can’t do anything interesting or worthwhile. A little girl may be particularly jealous of Mommy, a boy of Daddy, and each may try to take over the other parent. Feelings are strong and you will do well to acknowledge them and encourage the child to talk about them.

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Most babies come home from the hospital with remnants of the umbilical cord still attached to the belly button, or the umbilicus. Until this falls off give your baby only sponge baths. Clean the navel area twice a day or so with a cotton swab dipped in antiseptic. Do this gently but thoroughly, making sure to get to the base of the cord stump. Watch for yellow matter, a sort of “weeping” that may develop, and for redness. These are signs of possible infection-notify your doctor if they persist. Keeping the top edges of the baby’s diaper folded down below the navel will help to keep the area dry. When the cord falls off, usually within ten days to two weeks after the baby’s birth, it is not unusual for a few drops of blood to be left on the navel. No bandage, binding, or tape is required. If the umbilicus doesn’t dry up in a few days after the cord comes off, an umbilical granuloma may be present. This is a little nubbin of tissue in the umbilicus at the junction of the old cord and the new skin. Your doctor can remedy the situation easily at the baby’s first checkup. If there is much bleeding or a foul odor coming from the cord, consult your doctor earlier for any special instructions needed.

For a sponge bath, you will need a warm, draft free room, a basin of lukewarm water, and two big towels-one to bathe the baby on, and the other to wrap him in after the bath. If your baby cries when totally undressed, give him a bath in stages, removing only part of the clothing at one time. Many babies love the feeling of being totally naked, though and enjoy waving their arms and legs about freely.

If you received a little baby bath gift basket, you'll likely have been given items such as shampoo or soap. You don’t really need soap for a newborn, some parents don’t use it for several months. If you can’t bring yourself from skipping it altogether, use very little because soap will dry up your baby’s delicate skin. Ordinary scented soap may trigger an allergic reaction, and it will disguise the wonderful “baby smell” that lets everyone in the house know that an infant is present. Infants do not need to be bathed every day. The diaper area is of course, cleaned frequently, and two or three full baths a week are sufficient.

If you enjoyed this article, you'll probably like this post on Bathing Baby 101.