Parenting & New Baby Advice Blog

Archive for March, 2008

Neither eighteen month olds nor two year olds are very good at sharing toys. This, too, is part of the normal development and should be accepted as such.  From your baby’s perspective her toys are an extension of herself.  For someone to take a toy from her is a direct affront to her integrity.  It’s as if part of her has been taken away.  Parents are probably unrealistic to request a child of this age to share with other children.  You can start to work toward that goal, but it may be too soon to reasonably expect to achieve it.

One helpful hint is to have a special set of toys designated for the play group.  This way the toys don’t seem to belong to any one person. Aggression and fighting over toys can also be reduced with planned activities.  The activities should be ones that are creative, messy, and fun, such as painting, or playing with blocks, sand, and molding material.

Difficulties with Changes in the Routine

Eighteen month olds are very ritualistic.  Often routines must be carried out in exactly the same way or the toddler is upset.  Recognizing this, you can help your toddler by trying to maintain as consistent a routine as possible.  By doing this, your toddler doesn’t have to try to figure out what’s going to happen next.  Transitions are also eased by letting children know what to expect.

Toddler’s typical ritualistic behavior may be due to their limited understanding of language.  Sometimes we are fooled into thinking that eighteen month olds know more than they do.  On occasion, parents should stand back and evaluate why the child acted the way he did.  Perhaps he did not understand what was said or asked.  While toddlers understand a great deal, not all ideas hold the same meaning for eighteen month olds as they do for adults.

Because of this, your child’s reactions to disruptions in his routine are likely to be more intense than they were earlier in his life.  The toddler’s distress and obstinacy are said to be, in part, related to the beginning development of his sense of self.  To the toddler, parent and child are becoming two separate people, which may be a stressful adjustment.

The emotions of fear and worry may seem more apparent with toddlers than with young babies.  Some two year olds seem quite wary when confronted with new situations.  In particular, such things as firecrackers, loud noises and vacuum cleaners can be pretty frightening.  Toddlers don’t understand the relationship between cause and effect yet and may attribute magical or lifelike properties to noises and machines.  The toddler may even think that these strange occurrences happened because of something he did.

Some children hold onto their parents until they are comfortable and secure in a new setting.  Yet at home, if all is going well, your child should be able to leave your side to play by himself in another room. Your child’s caution and his checking in on you represent a beginning sense of reality.  It is part of the normal developmental process, without which your child would not develop into a healthy, independent person.

Although at times your toddler will be difficult to manage, this is the age when it is even more important to be firm in setting limits, consistent in your demands, nurturing during the bad as well as the good moments.  Your role is to balance the toddler’s desired independence with his continued need for reassurance, love and affection. 

Normally the baby is born with the head down, facing backwards, so the widest part of the baby’s head passes through the widest part of the pelvis. The baby’s head pressing down on the cervix helps it dilate, and the baby rotates as it is born, helping the body slip out behind the head.

Some babies, however, are born in a different position. This normally causes problems in labor. A posterior presentation means that the baby faces forward; its spine can press against the mother’s as it moves down, causing her pain and slowing labor. And because the widest part of the baby’s head is passing through the narrowest part of the pelvis, the baby can get stuck here more easily, again prolonging labor and sometimes requiring the use of forceps.

A breech birth occurs when the baby does not turn, so that the head is not born first; breech babies are normally born buttocks-first, occasionally feet-first. About four births in a hundred are breech. Most breech births are straightforward, though you are most likely to need intervention, especially in a first birth. Many women are advised to have an epidural; usually the baby’s head is delivered with forceps to protect it, and you are likely to have an episiotomy to help the baby’s head out. If you wind up needing an emergency Cesarean, the epidural will already be set up.

Medical Intervention

Over the past decade or two, hospitals have increasingly used a variety of techniques that have revolutionized the process of childbirth. Most of these are intended to save lives, and frequently they do. However, many interventions have become routine in some hospitals, thus interfering with the birth process for many mothers who are not at risk. Hospitals are now more likely to discuss any possible intervention with you. You should make your views clear, although obviously everyone involved should accept that intervention may be necessary in case of an emergency.

Episiotomy

An episiotomy is a small incision made in the perineum, the skin between the vagina and the anus, to enlarge the vaginal opening and help the delivery of the baby’s head. The cut is made with scissors under a local anesthetic when the baby’s head comes into view. Done properly, the perineum will have stretched very thin and the cut can be made with a minimum of damage and bleeding. An episiotomy should not be necessary in a normal delivery, and you can ask not to have one if you prefer.

However, there is some controversy over whether it is better to have a small episiotomy or risk tearing the perineum when the baby’s head is born. Some feel that a small tear is better and heals more rapidly, while others believe it is easier to sew up a clean cut. You should not be in great pain when the stitches are put in; if you are, ask to have more local anesthetic. 

Over the course of our lifetime, we accumulate “stuff” that represents our history, experiences and the good and the bad events that have occurred during our journey through life.

I suppose I am overly sentimental and obsessed with ensuring my own children have keepsakes from their babyhood and beyond. Perhaps it is because I do not have mementos from my babyhood and toddler years that I place a huge importance on ensuring that my children do have treasures that they can appreciate as the years pass by. Call me a pack rat for my kids!

Photographs

Photos are a fabulous means of recording the life of a child.

For each photograph I take of my children, a copy is put into a special box for each of my child. The date and place is recorded on the back of the photograph in addition to additional names of others that may be in the photo. When my children turn 18, I will pass these photographs to my children for their own keeping.

Videos

A wonderful, realistic means of recording actions, words and developments of babies, toddlers and up.

The camcorder is an absolutely fantastic electronic device that I have become close friends with since my first baby. Not only do I take videos, but I also utilize video editing software to record music and sounds to the video clips to make it all the more personalized and interesting to others and my children. A copy of all videos is also put into safe keeping for each of my children.

Clothing and Toys

One cannot keep every single piece of clothing or toy, however, I have kept a piece of clothing and a toy from their newborn stage that has been given by a special person in their life such as grandma, grandpa, aunts and uncles, mommy and daddy and other special family members or friends. As the years go on, I am sure the collection will grow with favorite toys that they have cherished through their childhood or other “stuff” that will bring back fond memories.

Baby / Toddler Record Keeping Books

Recording the particulars of baby’s birth, date of their first steps, the first word spoken, a clipping of hair from their first haircut or all the “firsts” will be a wonderful keepsake for children when they are older. Every person is curious to know what they were like as a baby, what their favorite color or song was, etc. Remember, even parents forget such things and record keeping books are a great method of looking back and remembering your children.

Yes, I am probably Clean Sweep’s biggest nightmare but it is so important to me that I give my children a part of their history and I believe that they will be grateful when they are older and obtain these special treasures.

Personalized baby gifts and gift baskets are among our most popular gift items for newborn babies. Security blankets, baby blankets, plush toys and more embroidered with baby’s first name and birthdates are an excellent baby gift idea. Not only are they enchanting but are a fabulous keepsake gift that will last a lifetime.

Start your little blessing with a gift that will represent their babyhood and start in the journey of life. 

Real jealousy will almost surely rear its ugly head sooner or later among children younger than school age. Busy and independent older ones will probably take the new arrival in stride, suffering little if at all from feelings of rejection. Very likely they will be proud to have a baby in the family. They will look upon the infant as a sort of live plaything to be loved and cuddled and shown off to their friends. The best way to help the little ones through their feelings of displacement and rejection are to show them your love in every way you can and to spend as much time alone with them as you possibly can.

Your toddler is too unsophisticated to be anything but up-front about his or her feelings; life with the interloper who makes so much noise and takes Mommy’s time is unbearable. He or she will likely ask you to take the baby back and will be frankly envious of the attention the baby is getting. You may be able to cheer up the child a little by stressing how lucky the baby is to have such a fine big brother or sister and by letting him or her help you care for and entertain the baby. This child isn’t old enough yet to have developed much feeling about right or wrong, and pinching, hitting, or sitting on the baby won’t seem a crime to him or her. You’ll need to watch the child closely and lay down a no nonsense law that the baby must not be hurt. This may be one of the rare times you choose to use strong discipline. 

By the age of three, your child understands that deliberately hurting the baby is wrong. Do however, watch the pats and squeezes and hugs, they may be a bit too hard. This child may be so angry about the baby’s appearance that he or she won’t talk to you, won’t cooperate in any way. Or, he or she may be afraid to displease you by showing the anger. The child may be excessively good or fake exaggerated and unfelt love for the baby. You can admit to this child that yes, the baby can be a nuisance, bothering you when you two are reading or playing. Be careful not to give the idea that there’s any solution other than the baby’s ultimate growing up into a reasonable child. 

Your preschooler will probably try to take your attention away from the baby by showing off his or her feats of strength and skill and cleverness. The child feels rejected and cannot understand what you see in this infant who can’t do anything interesting or worthwhile. A little girl may be particularly jealous of Mommy, a boy of Daddy, and each may try to take over the other parent. Feelings are strong and you will do well to acknowledge them and encourage the child to talk about them.

Most babies come home from the hospital with remnants of the umbilical cord still attached to the belly button, or the umbilicus. Until this falls off give your baby only sponge baths. Clean the navel area twice a day or so with a cotton swab dipped in antiseptic. Do this gently but thoroughly, making sure to get to the base of the cord stump. Watch for yellow matter, a sort of “weeping” that may develop, and for redness. These are signs of possible infection-notify your doctor if they persist. Keeping the top edges of the baby’s diaper folded down below the navel will help to keep the area dry. When the cord falls off, usually within ten days to two weeks after the baby’s birth, it is not unusual for a few drops of blood to be left on the navel. No bandage, binding, or tape is required. If the umbilicus doesn’t dry up in a few days after the cord comes off, an umbilical granuloma may be present. This is a little nubbin of tissue in the umbilicus at the junction of the old cord and the new skin. Your doctor can remedy the situation easily at the baby’s first checkup. If there is much bleeding or a foul odor coming from the cord, consult your doctor earlier for any special instructions needed.  For a sponge bath, you will need a warm, draft free room, a basin of lukewarm water, and two big towels-one to bathe the baby on, and the other to wrap him in after the bath. If your baby cries when totally undressed, give him a bath in stages, removing only part of the clothing at one time. Many babies love the feeling of being totally naked, though and enjoy waving their arms and legs about freely. You don’t really need soap for a newborn, some parents don’t use it for several months. If you can’t bring yourself from skipping it altogether, use very little because soap will dry up your baby’s delicate skin. Ordinary scented soap may trigger an allergic reaction, and it will disguise the wonderful “baby smell” that lets everyone in the house know that an infant is present. Infants do not need to be bathed every day. The diaper area is of course, cleaned frequently, and two or three full baths a week are sufficient.

Choosing an appropriate name for your baby may not be as easy as you expected. Husbands and wives are not always in agreement about the choice of a first name or even a middle name. You will certainly have plenty of names-and suggestions of names- from which to choose. Sometimes compromise is the best solution.  Naming customs vary from culture to culture, yet name giving is as universal as language. In America we are very democratic about naming babies; mothers and fathers listen to family, friends, strangers, and their own impulses before bestowing a name on their newborn.  Many of our names come from the Bible, which means they are often of Greek or Hebrew origin. Our most common biblical names-John, James, Mary, Ruth, Mark, Rebecca, Joseph, Susan, David, Daniel, Jason, Matthew Judith, and their variations-count for more than fifty per cent of our forenames. Another large group is derived from the Teutonic [or Germanic] languages. These include such names as, William, Brenda, Roger, Frederick, Caroline, and Emily. Our last names, or surnames, have long been used as first or middle names. English, Teutonic, and Norse surnames, including Ashley, Marion, Clayton, Kimberly, Adair, Shirley, and Mildred are commonly given as first names. And the lines between masculine and feminine names are also blurring. Names like Pat, Chris, Leslie, Robin, Sydney, Lee and Hilary could all raise the question whether a letter should begin “Dear Ms.” Or “Mr.”  Along with the Bible, our families provide the source for baby names. These traditions can pass on such interesting first or middle names as Taylor, Tyler and Huntington. And the maiden name of the mother is often given to a child as middle names as to keep the family name alive. While you are free to name your child according to tradition, family custom, or creative impulse, consider first your responsibility in bestowing an appropriate name and then think about the following: 

• Is the name easily spelled and pronounced?

• What nicknames or pet names can be derived from it?

• Do the initials form a word? Is that word objectionable or apt to be embarrassing?

• Is the name so unusual that it will draw undesired attention?

• Be sure the name fits the gender of the child.

• Give full names rather than diminutives; Robert Joseph is preferable to Bobby Joe.

• Use care in naming your baby for well known personalities; celebrities fade or fall out of favour and your child will be left with a dated or unpopular name.

• Consider how your choice of a first name flows with the last name, particularly if your last name is hyphenated.

• Avoid choosing a first name that becomes “cute” in conjunction with your last name [Barbie Doll, Sandy Rhodes, Holly Wood].

• Finally, both parents should agree on the name – as much in advance of the delivery as possible.

Many baby books are available, should you feel a need for outside help in your decision. Read them, make notes, and discuss your reactions with your partner. Your child will appreciate your thoughtfulness. 

The first half of the third year may remain difficult for you and your child as far as issues of control and dependency are concerned.  Although your child’s language and self-care skills are more advanced, in some ways your child continues to feel like a tightrope walker, occasionally teetering with uncertainty over what she can and cannot do.  Try to recognize your child’s need for independence.  By promoting independence along with emotional support, parents can help their children through this stage.  An extra cuddle or more lavish praise for the good things that the child is doing helps to counteract some of the normal negativism.

One management technique that works quite well with toddlers is the use of praise to help your child develop a positive self image.  You should encourage and delight in your child’s new accomplishments and achievements.  Praise [“That’s good! I like that block tower”], hugs, and kisses are important ingredients in promoting a good self-image.  At two and three, a child’s self-esteem-how she feels about herself-is often a reflection of her perception of her parents’ opinions of her.  Interest in and enjoyment of your child’s play set the tone for a healthy self-concept.

One of the most difficult jobs parents have is setting reasonable limits for their children.  Letting your child know what’s expected, what’s tolerable, and what’s unacceptable is a long term process that continues well into the teenage years.  As early as in the first year, for example, you are setting some limits by not letting your child stick her fingers into the electrical outlets.

Some potential conflicts can be defused by rearranging the environment, so you don’t have to worry about your child’s hurting herself, breaking your valuable vase, or eating a poisonous plant.  Childproofing the major living quarters in your house allows your child to safely explore many interesting and different objects.

Of course, changing the environment will not take care of those times when a direct confrontation is necessary.  It helps to quickly and adeptly address the situation.  Tell your child what you don’t like about what she is doing.  Give her a simple reason why, for example, pulling the tail on the cat hurts the cat.  Parents don’t need to use more than one or two sentences of explanation.  Ask the child to stop, if that doesn’t work, put the child on a chair for a few minutes either in the same room with you or in a different room.  After the allotted time has elapsed, you can talk about what happened.  Later in the day, but not immediately afterward, be sure to let your child know that you still love her by giving her a hug and kiss.  On a particularly bad day, you may even want to engage her in a very special time just for the two of you.  The earlier you begin to set aside a special chair or place to be used for thinking about unacceptable behavior, the sooner your child will learn that some things just mustn’t be done.

In the early years, parents take on the roles of caregiver, teacher, and playmate.  Creating an emotionally supportive environment is essential for your child to become independent yet aware of her parents’ love and acceptance.  On occasion, behavioral extremes are acceptable for two tear olds.  As a regular pattern however, the child who is always out of control or overly compliant is telling you something.  These are warning signals that suggest that you should take a good hard look at your disciplining techniques.  Ask yourself: Are my methods so loose that the boundaries of acceptable and unacceptable behaviors are unclear?  Am I so rigid in setting limits that my child is afraid to upset me by resisting my controls?  Am I providing enough time for relaxed activities and play with my child?

By the end of the third year, with increased growth, maturity and confidence, your child will become willing to relinquish some of her insistence in being independent.  She may even give up some of her executive independence [“I want to do it myself!”] for your love and affection.  Great pleasure is obtained from praise and attention.

Participation in such body management activities such as feeding, toilet training, and dressing becomes a matter of routine.  Although many three years olds continue to have high activity levels, their activity begins to be more directed, with a far less frenetic quality.

The secure three year old may be willing to allow you to help her set limits.  This new stage has been called the stage of volitional dependence because the child’s dependency needs can now be brought under her control.  Your child will be less impulsive and more manageable; an occasional explanation of rules will be understood-and actually followed, too.  For example, when you are working in one room, you may no longer have to worry about leaving your child to play in another, but instead may be able to trust her not to misbehave. 

Given the opportunity, parents and babies naturally form a strong relationship with each other.  This relationship is often called the parent-infant bond.  For the parent, this bond is woven of love and responsibility.  For the infant, it is his first-and perhaps most important-relationship.

Psychoanalysts have theorized that a first love relationship a baby experiences with a parent sets the stage for all later interpersonal relationships.  They contend that if you don’t have this necessary relationship in your formative years, you won’t be able to love as an adult.  A number of psychologists and psychiatrists have found support for this view.  For example, John Bowlby, a British psychoanalyst, studied children growing up without parents in the first years of life; these children often had problems relating with others and forming bonds later in life.  From such studies, psychologists have recognized what parents knew all along-how important sensitive, responsive, and consistent parenting is to the healthy development of a child.

However, it is also important to point out that babies may not have to be with their parents all the time, despite the current emphasis in Lamaze classes and parents magazines on the position that there is a “critical period’ for parents to bond to their babies.  Supporters of this position state that parents who are separated from their newborns after birth will have difficulty forming that essential parent-infant bond.  Citing studies conducted with animals, they point out that mother mice will often refuse to care for their young if they are separated right after birth.  Fortunately, humans are not mice, and more recent research suggests that human mothers generally quite able to go on to be good mothers even if they have to be separated from their babies as a result of prematurity, illness, or other reasons.

Nonetheless, positive changes have occurred because of recent recognition of the process of bonding.  Many hospitals have dramatically humanized the way in which parents and babies are treated…  Parents are allowed greater contact with babies, particularly in intensive care nurseries.  There, parents can now often participate in the feeding, handling, and general care of their babies right away, instead of waiting until their infants are released from the hospital. 

Face Recognition

By seven months, your baby may have begun to respond differently to different people.  This happens as babies sharpen their visual perceptual skills and learn to recognize people by their faces, by seeing either a full face or a profile.  Face recognition is a gradual progress acquired over the first eight months of life.  Some babies can read their parent’s facial expressions too, because they are able to see subtle differences in faces.  As with many developmental acquisitions, visual discrimination and perception of faces help your baby to maintain contact with you.

Stranger Anxiety

By six months, [sometimes earlier], your baby may have developed a very clear and strong preference for one parent or the other.  This presence is exemplified by your baby’s crying and clinging to you as a new adult approaches-“stranger anxiety.”  Babies in our culture often show at least some form of stranger anxiety.

One baby who had to be hospitalized for a short period of time quickly learned to cry hysterically at all people in blue coats because some of them were doctors and nurses who were sticking him with needles.  Just think how much cognitive processing occurred inside the baby’s head for him to make those associations.

Another baby who infrequently saw his grandmother cried as she approached to hold him.  It is natural for grandparents to feel rejected by a grandchild’s crying, but if the phenomenon is placed in the context of normal development, they should understand.  If you have this problem, suggest that they wait awhile to become reacquainted with your baby before picking him up.

There are wide variations in the time when stranger anxiety develops and in the strength of reactions. Some babies always react more strongly than others.  They scream hysterically, look terrified, and cling tightly to you.  Another baby may give you a dirty look, as if to say, “Are you sure you want to hand me over to this strange person?”

When your baby’s fear of strangers is at its peak, it is very tempting to sneak out of the room when you want to leave him with a babysitter.  However, if you do this, your baby may become more upset than if you tell him that you are leaving.  Forewarning older babies and children, telling them what is going to happen next, is a useful technique to lessen and sometimes to prevent distress reactions.

Stranger anxiety may peak, seem to disappear then reappear over and over again over the course of the next year, depending on your baby’s experiences, temperament and way of handling new situations.  The process of becoming independent is begun at birth but is certainly not finished within the first three years of life.  It continues in different forms throughout you and your child’s lifetimes.

Babies’ temperamental qualities may affect differences in the strength of reactions to strangers, but other factors-the setting’s familiarity, the tiredness of the baby, and past experiences with strangers-may also come into play.  Parents who bring their babies to work with them may find that their babies exhibit little stranger anxiety, because they are used to seeing so many new faces every day.  What is important to understand is that your baby’s fear of strangers is a healthy reaction and a part of your child’s normal emotional development.

Parents as “Refueling Centers”

With your baby’s ability to crawl and move away from you comes the desire to use you as a secure base from which to explore.  A developmental progression can be observed-your baby will first cling tightly to you, then move away, return for an occasional hug [or “refueling”], and then move off but continue visually checking in to make sure you haven’t gone anywhere.

While younger babies require a lot of holding, feeding, and playing on your lap, mobile babies no longer need as much of your continued, close at hand attention.  You may even be able to leave the baby in another room as long as you remain available and maintain some verbal communication. [Of course, you want to make sure that the room is sufficiently “baby-proofed” so your baby’s safety is not in danger.]  In one study mothers and babies conducted in a two room laboratory, the babies would not let their mothers leave them behind in one of the rooms, however, as long as the situation was under the babies control, and they were the ones who chose to go into the next room, the babies ventured out of their mother’s sight and explored.

Your availability and occasional reassurance should be supportive of your baby’s exploratory behavior.  Babies at this age, who are allowed this controlled freedom to explore with the reassurance of verbal contact with the parent out of sight, seem to fare better on later tests of emotional and cognitive abilities.  Allowing your baby some freedom of exploration and control over the environment and not interfering unnecessarily with what she wants to do will enhance your relationship with her.

Executive Dependence

Some scientists have called this exploratory stage at six to twelve months one of executive dependence, when a baby continues to be very dependent on his caregivers, but also has some control over them.  Your baby easily may become a tyrant at this stage-for example, he may cry because he wants a cookie and then becomes frustrated because he no longer remembers what he wanted.  Your baby can keep you hoping, trying to second guess what his needs are.

While your baby’s continued dependence on you may be annoying and frustrating at times, meeting his basic needs is essential for healthy emotional and cognitive growth.  Your responsiveness and your habit of attending to and appropriately acknowledging your baby’s signals, requests, and demands will enable him to become effective in his interactions with the world.  That kind of attention teaches your baby to think, “If I do something, I can have an effect.  I can make something happen. 

Your children will react to the actual presence of the baby in different ways, depending upon their ages and personalities. However well prepared they are, they will at first almost surely be surprised and most likely be disappointed. The baby is neither the playmate your toddler or preschooler secretly expected, in spite of your warnings to the contrary, nor the smiling, gurgling picture perfect, infant your older child probably visualized. Even the baby’s sex may be disappointing, and the fact that he or she does nothing but eat, sleep and cry-and monopolize your attention-surely will be.

Your main enemy at home will be time, especially if you have a toddler or preschooler, there’ll never be enough of it. Many mothers feel guilty of neglecting the older child, because the infant takes so much time. Psychologists tell us that underlying that guilt is anger at being torn between the two children. One way to help yourself feel better and to make your older child feel wanted is to include him or her in every possible part of care for the baby. Even a two year old can fetch a diaper from upstairs, perch on a stool beside you at the dressing table, or help you pat the baby dry after a bath. Little kids can sort the baby’s laundry, help you gently pat up a burp after a feeding, and “entertain” the baby with nursery songs and finger plays.

Let your hold the baby on a pillow, in a big chair, when you are close. If your bottle- feeding let him or her hold the bottle for a few minutes, and demonstrate the way to gently pat the baby’s cheek to see the baby’s head turn. Warn the child about the anterior fontanel [the soft, boneless spot at the top of the baby’s head], but don’t be unduly alarmed if he or she touches it; it’s protected by a firm membrane. Do be sure to supervise very carefully any “help’ or playing with the baby. Be sure your child understands that he or she must never try to pick up or carry the baby. Avoid any possibility of harm to either child by putting the baby in the crib or in an infant seat inside the playpen if you have to leave the room. Feeding time may be difficult, especially if you are nursing the baby-a time when your toddler or preschooler feels left out and is apt to show displeasure with you by getting into trouble. The feedings that come when your older child is napping or gone to bed for the night, or when someone else is in the house to provide distraction, will be the ones to which you can devote your attention entirely to the baby, providing the eye contact that is important. When your older child is present during feedings, settle yourselves on the sofa and cuddle him or her with your free arm as you read or watch television together. Or sit comfortably on the floor, with your back braced against a piece of furniture, and watch or help while the child works with puzzles, games, or coloring projects. The baby won’t suffer; your touch and the sound of your voice will be soothing. What if your older child wants to try nursing again? It won’t hurt, if you are agreeable to the idea. The chances are that one quick try will be enough. The child won’t like the taste of your milk and probably won’t be able to suck properly. Wanting to go back to nursing is only one of several signs of regression you might expect, and they won’t necessarily show up immediately after the baby arrives. A return to baby habits concerning toilet training, eating, sleeping talking, or dressing may be more of a sign of stress than of jealousy. Whatever the cause, your child is trying to get your attention by competing with the baby on the baby’s own level. The best way to deal with regression is to go along with it patiently and without showing anger or disappointment; it will pass. Be generous with praise with any mature behavior and reward it with grown up privileges, such as staying up a bit later than usual or going on an important errand with Daddy.